old treasures..

lately I've been reading some of my old poetry, and I decided I wanted to publish some of them here... They're mostly in Norwegian, so I apologize in advance to those of you who do not read Norwegian yet ;)


NAKEN
står jeg
uten noe å skjule meg bak
Du
har tatt av alle klærne mine
plagg for plagg
for å nå inn til hjertet mitt
Du legger Din hånd på meg
den trenger gjennom huden
inn til der sjelen bor
Du ommøblerer
setter ting i stand
vårrengjøring
så kler Du meg i de fineste stoffer
- til Din ære!
un2001



if I could only draw
the essence of Your being
the outcome would be
the most spectacular
most beautiful
most perfect
of all pictures
and men
would come from all
over the world
only to fall in love
with the image of You
- Love manifest
un2001



Jeg taler fred
Til mitt utålmodige hjerte
Jeg kan hvile –
Fordi jeg vet dypt nede
I kjernen av meg
At Du vet hvor mitt hjerte hører hjemme
Og hvor min fot skal trå.
Jeg taler glede
Til mitt indre
Når mørket truer med å kvele meg
Fordi jeg vet om en kilde
Som aldri tørker opp,
Og et håp som aldri svikter.
Takk kjære Du –
For elskede klisjeer
Som aldri mister sin skjønnhet!

un2001

Midt i blant oss står en vi ikke kjenner....

Dette jeg skal si nå er nok selvfølgelige ting, men jeg tror det er godt og sunt å stoppe opp og dvele over det innimellom.

Vi lever i et samfunn som roper ”løp og kjøp”, ”har du lyst, har du lov”, ”unn deg noe godt”, og en kultur som sier ”så lenge man ikke blir tatt på fersk gjerning, er det meste lov” og som på mange måter legitimerer ansvarsfraskrivelse: det var ikke min skyld, for jeg har opplevd dette eller hint. Og selv om vi er troende, og igrunnen har andre, evige verdier, er det jammen ikke lett å ikke la seg påvirke. Vi må jo rekke over alt mulig, før vi dør, eller før det blir utsolgt, eller før vi skal videre til neste avtale eller aktivitet.

Midt i alt dette står en vi ikke kjenner. En som kjener oss bedre enn vi kjenner oss selv. En vi ikke kan putte i en boks, en vi ikke kan forklare med ord, en vi ikke kan skvise inn mellom alt det vi jager etter. Jesus.

Av og til ser jeg for meg Jesus vandrende i Oslos gater. Han går sakte. Han har god tid – evig tid faktisk! Det er som om jeg kan høre han si: Vær ikke bekymret for maten som dere må ha for å leve, eller for klærne som kroppen trenger. Søk heller Hans rike og Hans rettferdighet, så skal dere få alt dette andre i tillegg.

Jeg tenker at han ser seg om, på alle oss som haster av sted, bleke og slitne og han sier: Kom til meg alle dere som strever og bærer tunge byrder og jeg vil gi dere en hvilepause. Ta mitt åk på dere og lær av meg. For jeg er tålsom og ydmyk av hjertet, og dere vil finne hvile for deres sjeler.

Jeg tror Gud kaller oss til å gå sakte, ha god tid. Ta tid til puste, leve, dvele ved Ham some r opphav og endemål for alt. Jeg tror at når vi gjør dette, tar de aktive valgene som trengs for å leve litt saktere, så vil vi sanse ting vi ikke før har sett, hørt, luktet, følt og jeg tror at vi vil se andre løsninger på problemer, andre utveier, andre visjoner.

Jesaja 55:6 sier: Søk Herren mens han er å finne, kall på ham den stund han er nær. Og videre i vers 8: For mine tanker er ikke deres tanker og deres veier er ikke mine veier, lyder ordet fra Herren. Som himmelen er høyere enn jorden er mine veier høyere enn deres veier, og mine tanker høyere enn deres tanker.

If ever...

it felt like life was going my way, it would be now.... ! Ever since I came back from the Philippines, feeling more alive and awake than in a long time, things have been so full of hope and joy. I've rediscovered old, almost faded dreams, and found that the horizon is so much wider than I have thought... and in the midst of all kinds of physical pain, I have found joy and hope... and now, it seems I have found love to! I'm happy beyond words! Joyful, awestruck and dumfounded that such an awesome guy could find me lovable!
with this in my life, together with Spring, sunny days and a hope in Jesus, nothing can bring me down! ;) Even work seems bearable these days! There are some logistics to overcome, but I have faith, and so does the man, so I guess we'll be fine!

back in the States

It seems I've made it a tradition to travel to the States at least once a year and here I am again. this time for business, but still.... Work is so far going good. everything is running smoothly, even though my thoughts are somewhat clouded by jetlag and other nice things... I'm in Spokane, Washington, and I'll be travelling to Portland Oregon tomorrow to visit my wonderful friends Camilla and Kenny for the weekend! It's really surreal to be able to visit them for the weekend, knowing I haven't seen them in so long, and that they live so far away from me, usually.... Next week we have work Monday and Tuesday, and then we drive up to Seattle where my supervisor will fly out and I will spend a couple of days with my dear friend Mariam!

and the funniest thing is that even though I love this country almost more than I do my own, I don't have the same urge to do the "American things" this time, I just want to spend time at the hotel reading and being online.... and drink some mountain dew and eat reeses' peanut butter cups... hahahaha.... But I really truely am looking foreward to seeing my friends again, hanging out and drinking coffee and talktalktalktalktalktalk like only good old friends can..

*sigh* I feel blessed to have such great friends, and to be able to see them even though they live so far away!

life in slow mo'

I can't help but laugh really.... I actually kept my feet on the ground and my head up for about two weeks, and then here I am again, flat on my back, with severe back pains.....! It all happened right after my last post... in Norwegian we call it "hekseskudd" meaning "a shot from a witch"..... it felt like somebody whipped me across my back, and there I laid, unable to move for about 24 hours, and even after that I had major difficulties getting out of the bed to even go to the bathroom... oh joy! :/

But I have to say, besides the pain it was a very pleasent experience! Eva's friends were very loving and attentive, and I didn't have to worry about anything. they fed me, and made sure I had everything I needed, and when they weren't busy they almost took turns in entertaining me! I must say I felt very blessed and humbled that they really went out of their way to help me, and most of them I had never met before! It was SO good for me to be proven wrong, to have to trust people for the simplest things and to receive blessings without giving anything really, in return!

So I'm back to being on sick leave, and I really have to get better, because I'm leaving for the States next tuesday, and I really hope I don't have to sit in an airplane for 16 hours like this.... ouch! but I have faith I will be all better, and hope that my luck will turn soon ;)

But for now I'm trying to enjoy this forced slowness, and trying to find things to do that can be done either standing og lying down.....

The Holy week

Right now I'm in Gothenburg, in my friend Eva's new commune-house with all vegetarian, comtemplative, enviromentally friendly Christians.... wonderful! It's almost like a retreat, with prayers at the beginning and end og every day, and a sweet focus on what is good for the world and it's people... Lately I've been spending more time thinking and praying over what's coming next, where to go, what to do, and I feel a change in my inner woman. Exciting and good. I think it's coming near a time of something new... maybe even somewhere new... Only He who right now lies in a tomb waiting to win over sin and death knows what life holds for those who love him.... but by his spirit he will reveal it!

Grace and peace to you all!

beat that!

So I'm not even home in Oslo for one week and I'm already on sick-leave.... This morning I was walking to a meeting with a psychologist, and all of a sudden I find myself flat on my face in the dust of the sidewalk! I guess I got my feet trapped in some kind of plastic loop on the ground. I felt so stupid! There I was with sores on my hands from catching my fall, and a sore neck and huring head, and dust all over the front of my body. I pulled myself together, and went to my meeting, bloody hands and all... throughout the day I felt kinda quezy, didn't feel like eating anything and stuff... but as I left work after hours I started feeling the pain again in my neck and head.... I asked my mom if it might be a good idea not to do pilates in the afternoon, and she agreed.... I went to a pharmacy to buy painkillers and the lady said I should go to the ER, so I did.... and after running all kinds of tests and waiting for what seemed like forever they told me I have a sprained neck, and have to stay home the rest of the week for it to heal... I don't have time for this, but I guess I can't not....! so here I am, resting and munching painkillers..... Hoping to get better soon... *sigh*